I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
