when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
soo... how was my night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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