Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
