mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize