He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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