You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
