Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
