my mouth tastes like poor choices
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
not ubering you a puppy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
