Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
accomplished twins. life is a go
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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