Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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