Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Two words: nipple clamps
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