there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
