He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
