i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
