carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
