cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
