Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
