yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
