Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
