what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
