I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
