did you get engaged???
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
