I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
