I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
