Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
