what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
