I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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