i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
