She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
