you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
