remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
