i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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