Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
