Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
