you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
