I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
