Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Your penis caused this!
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