Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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