I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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