What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
