You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize