Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
