i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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