i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
