Will you blow on my dice?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize