god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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