I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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