so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
