my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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