Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
