"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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