I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize