How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
