She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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