his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
