Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You're like the curious george of whores
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
