Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
