The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
