well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize