there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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