My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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