The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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