Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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