This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
