And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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