I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
