then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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