i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
