We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what day is it and did you see me today?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
