Sry I called you an 8
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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