using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
