after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize