Whod you bang
I wish my penis had an off switch
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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