i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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