I got chris browned last night
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
