Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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