Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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