Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
