hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
