You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize