I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
