we're blogging at a bar
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
