do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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