When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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