Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
