u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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