too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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