Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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