Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize