I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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