it was like eating out sand paper
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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