Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
