She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
