he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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