After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
