i'm signing you up for texting rehab
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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