S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
